Motherhood

I'm super annoyed, because I wrote this on Thursday before we left town and thought I published it, then I came back and found my thoughts were lost and all that remained was a draft containing the first line.  I'm so annoyed that really I want to just chalk it up to fate and let it go, but instead I'm going to overcome my frustration and try again...

I'm not gonna lie -- growing up I definitely planned on being ridiculously rich and hiring a maid for the cleaning and a chef for the cooking and a nanny for the childrearing.  I was certain that my superior intelligence would be of best use in the FBI or someplace else -- just certainly not at home tending to children and chores.

A lot has happened in my life since then to change my priorities and desires, but one event has changed me like no other, the significance of which I cannot overestimate.

I became a mom.

One minute I was a regular person, and then the next minute I was thinking, "geez, my period is late," and then a couple days later I was watching two blue lines appear on a little white stick dripping with my pee thinking simply, "wow," and then a few weeks later I was lying on a table listening to a little heartbeat pounding at twice the speed of my own, "almost" crying because I had just for the first time heard my baby.  And as the months passed I grew accustomed to having my little buddy with me all the time and truthfully I grew to love it.  Then suddenly, one week past buddy's "due date" I find myself wondering, "did i just pee myself, or did my water break?" and then a few hours later i am on a table again and they're telling me, "this is it," and then twenty minutes later i am still on the table but now i have my baby boy in my arms.  and that, although it's been a long process for sure, was the pivotal moment i think, because that was when my heart burst with love.  i lay there holding him and nursing him for practically three hours straight and i knew right away that it was going to be very difficult for me to let this child out of my sights.

I LOVE my husband to pieces.  Ben is the perfect man for me, fun and kind -- what better combination?  And I love my family like crazy; I would do anything for them.

But my love for my son in those first hours, and every day since, is a different kind of love.  It is fierce and protective and will not sway no matter what pain he may ever cause me.  It is full of understanding -- I've been loving and watching over him every minute since his conception, and even before that.

This at once heart-filling and heart-breaking mother's love has given me a better perspective on God's awesome love for me, and that, in itself, is awesome.  Motherhood is awesome.  I thank the Lord every single day for this gift.

On Mother's Day Bobby and I took a road trip out to the Berkshires, just the two of us.  I don't have the time or the stamina for the details, but we had a grand old time.  I let Bob get more muddy than he ever has in his life, since he's a one and a half year old now and since I'm the coolest mom in the world.

Happy super belated Mother's Day to all you super inspiring moms out there.