quick-like before april is gone

My goal was to write eight blogs this month -- I know, lofty considering my track record so far this year and obviously not gonna happen, people.

But, I'm telling myself, you can turn four into five if you just go for it right now and write something.  Don't put off writing for one more day just do it.

So, what's going on round here...?

Well, you may have heard a rumor about how my flip phone got killed.  It was a significant day because for every bad thing I've said about smartphones and every time I've announced how cool my flip phone made me, the day I actually joined the twenty first century was bound to be a significant day.  Actually it was the next day when I sauntered into the Verizon store and demanded my very own iPhone (or something along those lines).  And I am not proud to say that I was 100% addicted the moment my new golden device touched my palm.  I don't think I have touched my real camera once since then, and I don't even know what my kids look like in 3D anymore because I only see them on a screen.  It's so dang pretty and I'm pretty much in love.

Now I'm instagrammin' (probably a little too much -- what are the rules??) as you may have seen over there on the right somewhere.  I've also got a new little gig working with Sally Lloyd-Jones (yeppers, the author!) doing all sorts of new fancy things like tweeting which I am most certainly still trying to get a handle on.

So yeah, I'm basically a whole new person  since I last wrote.

I haven't really the time before April ends to export and upload photos and all that business, but you can follow me on instagram to see what we've been up to.

And I can leave you with this -- a link to Sally's site -- because if you don't own the Jesus Storybook Bible and Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing, well you really should.  And I'm not just saying that because we're besties.

G'night + happy May!

last day of the year

I've just not been in the mood this year, folks.  But I love this little bliggity blog and all that it is for me -- a journal of the little details of life that are sure to be forgotten and lost if I don't record them somewhere, a way to share the cuteness with family far away, a little bit of release and self-therapy, something to do with the photos I take every day or a reason to keep taking them -- so... here goes.

It was a big New Year's Eve around here!  Owen did his second consecutive poop on the potty (getting number two to splash down has been an ongoing challenge), and Bob lost his first tooth!  I had been naming all the ways that the tooth could fall out before midnight, and then what do you know, it happened.  Bob was messing with the tooth while snuggling his blankie and playing duplos with Owen and Maisy and suddenly, "Um, I'm sorry to tell you, but--" and I turned around and there he was holding it out in his hand, licking a little drop of blood off his lip.  He put that first fallen piece of his mouth's babydom into an envelope which he lettered "TOOTH" and at bedtime he snuck it under his pillow.  Bob had high hopes of staying up until midnight this year but instead we had an extra silly silly time and cheered Happy new year! at 8:00 before settling into bed.  I promptly forgot about the tooth until after Bob had woken me up in the morning, but I was able to save the magic by suggesting that he had checked under his pillow when it was actually still night and asking him to put something away while I ran upstairs and made the switch.  A note and 50 cent coin were then discovered with much excitement.  And so we entered the new year.

I technically stayed awake into 2015, but I was upstairs getting Maisy back to sleep and then I fell asleep too and didn't make it back down until Ben and our one guest had retired as well.  No exciting party tales.

The "New Year" doesn't really stir all that much emotion in me.  Because if you want to change something about your life, there is absolutely no reason to wait until January to do so.  January isn't exactly the most inspiring time of the year for me; it is cold and dark and there is still a whole lot of winter ahead.  But that's not to say that I'm immune to reflection, and 2014 was a bit of a difficult one I guess.

Is it possible for one year to simultaneously be the best and worst of your life thus far?  I think: yes?  I can see so much blessing this past year: a cozy home in a beautiful place, a loving hard working husband, two sweet sons, the welcoming of our precious daughter, health, a productive garden and always enough food.  Really, life is good.  I'm really lucky and not complaining.  And yet, my heart has been heavy.  Heavy, heavy.  There have been some heavy, heavy thoughts weighing on my heart and mind ALL THE TIME.  Heavy.  That's the only word.

In the true fashion of a long line of feeling-suppressors, I've been mastering a combination of numbing and bottling up my dark thoughts, to the point where the resulting mass inside me may have been crushing my heart a little bit.  Which finally led to a recent spewing of truths to a couple of trusted individuals, which was not easy for me, but which I've realized was completely necessary.  (I heard all those whiches but I'm rolling with it.)  We can't battle our demons alone.  We can't.  We need to bring them to light and let someone say, "Wow, that is a lot for you to carry, you need to drop that load right now."  And we need to cry and let it out and just feel up the feelings sometimes.  I need to afford myself the same grace I try to extend to my children -- that feelings are a-okay and we need to let them out, not lock them in.

The art of hiding behind a humor of sarcasm, while perhaps making me amusing to be around at times, hasn't exactly fostered a host of lifelong connections with other vulnerable human beings.  And that right there, that's been another lonely realization to come to terms with.

In the fall of 2013, I lost a friend.  She didn't die, she just stopped calling, but it almost felt like I was grieving a death.  Or a breakup perhaps.  It was like being broken up with, but not even told.  My girlfriend, my one local friend that I actually saw regularly, explained that she was "maxxed out" at the moment and that was that.  And it hurt so much.  And I started to realize -- and all through the next year the realization sunk in deeper -- that somehow, 30 years in, I had no friends.  (Not true; I have two or three, or four if you include my husband!)  I've always felt like I had friends, never felt hated, everyone has always been friendly to me, and yet it's clear now that my high school Spanish teacher was right -- these people that you think are your friends are not really your friends, and you will have only two or three real friends that last in your life.  We laughed at her, my "friends" and I -- ha ha! we have dozens of best friends and always will!  Well.  I can't even remember the teacher's name but I remember that one conversation vividly.  And you know, it gives me some consolation knowing that I'm not alone, even if facebook and tweeter and instograham can make it seem like I am.

I know now that real friends are the ones who, when you finally let down your guard and say I need you, they come running.  Like, right then.  That same day.  And I know now that I am very lucky to have even a couple of friends like that.

I think, this new year (see here I am getting on the bandwagon after I already declared that I don't do that sham!) I'd like to let myself be a little more vulnerable.  I'd like to meet a new friend, and actually open myself up to her so that she can do the same, and also I want to really be there for the people I know, and tell them so, so that they can call on me and know I'll come running.

Boom.

And now I can (hopefully) get on with my regular lighthearted record keeping, and do a massive recap catchup, and move on into this new year with self-forgiveness and acceptance and grace and trust in God that all will work for good if I seek Him.

post-christmas and happy new year!

I'm writing from the couch right now, laid up with a macaroni and cheese in a pickle bucket induced back injury.  Hearkens me back to the days when I first started blogging in our apartment in Beverly, sitting on the green couch in our living room just outside the door to little six month old Bobby's room, with Ben beside me playing nintendo or watching tv or reading.  We had our iMac set up on our giant coffee table in those days and those days are gone, because computers and coffee tables and toddlers don't mix (obviously).

The weather has fluctuated almost as much as my pregnant hurt lady emotions around here.  We had tons of snow, then it all melted in one night of rain, and now it's below zero and... why don't we live in California?  

After Christmas, we took a trip out to Tiny Gram and Grampa Sonny's.  Owen an hour past nap time was very content to sit on Pepere's lap dancing his new chicken on a piece of wood.

Two of my sweetsie cousins...

Bob and his beloved Savannah...

Doing holidays as a kid with divorced parents is not easy.  I remember having mixed emotions when I was young -- it was hard to leave all my new toys and mom and Gram's and home behind on Christmas day to travel with my dad to his parents' house, but also it was really special to have that second celebration and round of gifts and sleepover at the cutest house ever.  Looking back it's a really special memory, and I love to celebrate Christmas at Tiny Gram's nowadays with my guys.  I guess, holidays with divorced parents actually get a lot harder when you become an adult, because then it's your decision where to go when and how and with whom.  And your spouse's family gets thrown into the mix, too.  And you do your best to choose what's right for your own little family, but that can make you feel like you're choosing someone over another, or just not making the right choices, or make you worry about everyone else's feelings whether there is or isn't anything to worry about.  {Phew.  I'm couch-bound, so I guess I'm just letting loose how I can.}

One of the sweetest parts of family visits are the goodbye hugs and kisses...

Ben and I rang in the New Year with our classic blog/tv combo, a nice roaring fire, and fireworks over the mountain viewed from our (freezing) front porch.  Then we watched... something.  I don't even remember.  But I stayed up until 1am so... crazy night!

First bath of the year...

Glow stick party...

Bedtime stories in Bob's bed...

I heard Bob getting up to pee in the night and grabbed my camera quick.  I love his little sleepy face coming out of the bathroom, and I cannot believe how grown up this little boy is.

Sleeping and just waking up, sporting his Mario mustache.  I might start hiding the markers.

Now that Christmas is over, I finally got around to snapping some pics around the house...

One day this new year I finally unpacked a box hiding a stack of beloved books we haven't seen since the move.  The result?  A few hours of peaceful quiet reading time scattered throughout the day.  I totally recommend hiding some of your kids' favorite books for a few months so they can be rediscovered.

One last pic of little sleeping cutie fat lip -- one of many wounds suffered in the line of superhero duty...

And, PS -- random shout outs to great gifts...
Tiny Gram, those Friendly's lunch bags are huge favorites.  Owen strutting proudly with his bag of carefully selected guys and cars saying, "Zis is my bag.  My own, own bag.  I need zis bag..."  Priceless.
And number one this year, my hubbs totally did it right: a pair of the coziest socks ever, a gift certificate for a massage, a book I wanted, and this little gem:

Wind tent!

Made this "wind tent" a couple of weeks ago and the pups loved it.  A fun, cool place to hang out on a hot summer chillax day.  All you need is a fan, a big sheet, and some packing tape.

It took some fiddling to make the tent as big and resilient as it could be.  {don't even bother trying this on carpet // i think the hallway setup is a must for us because the pups are just way too crazy and without the walls on either side they would have torn down the tent countless times // to trap air but still allow an entrance i angled the tape in on the end opposite the fan and tied a knot to cinch the fabric}

P.S.  I was a google reader user, which is now gone!  So if you're looking for a new way to manage your blog reading like I was, you could try out bloglovin.

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also: linking up today with life lately via the scribble pad

why angie's boblog?

I was here at aka Bailey thirty seconds ago (B's a high school friend of mine).  Bailey asks, how'd you come up with your blog name?  Well, Bailey -- that there's a timely question.  Because Sunday is the Netflix release of the new season of Arrested Development!!  We've been waiting for this for -- literally -- three years or something.  What the heck does that have to do with my blog, you ask?

For those who may not have been cool enough to pick up on this, here you go:



That there plus the name of my firstborn and his being the whole point of my writings equaled "angie's boblog."  Funny though -- I thought the pronunciation "bob-log" was obvious, but when I first started about three years ago {first post ever here} our families would say, Oh, I love your bo-blog!  Which made Ben and me laugh because our son's name is Bob for goodnessake!

But anyway... that's that.  So tell me -- are you looking forward to the new AD season as much as we are?!