tips on being a good wife

Some tricks I've picked up on being an awesome wife to your husband:

do his laundry for him so rarely that when you occasionally do, he thinks you're a superstar.

when he comes home from work and asks what's for supper, scowl at him and mutter a besmirching remark about having been up to your elbows in poop and smushed bananas all day... just to keep the menu a surprise for him, and to make it seem gourmet compared to... the aforementioned.

let your 13 month old sleep in bed with you.  husbands love having tiny humans between themselves and their wives in bed, baby donkey kicking them awake just an hour before they have to get up for work.

for your husband's birthday, buy him nothing.  husbands hate picking out gifts anyway, and this sets the standard really low for them.

when he texts you something really sweet in the middle of the day, respond accordingly with whichever loving phrase you can text behind your back {e.g. 'love ya'} so that the baby doesn't see and thereafter need your phone.  if he responds with another nice anything, shut him down immediately. {e.g. 'that's enough. we don't have unlimited texting, you know.'}  husbands don't want to be wasting their hard-earned money on texting overages; we owe it to them to keep those casios in line.

as soon as the kids are in bed, slip yourself into something a bit more comfortable... if you know what I mean.  best to choose something like his high school sweats and a sweater you bought for him that he didn't like -- just so he doesn't get the wrong idea or anything.

take your time alone with your husband to blog while he is in another room.  preferably something weird about him.

I love you, Benny.  Thanks for loving me back even though I might be the worst wife ever.

xoxo, a.